Apr. 10th, 2011

dar: (Default)
It's funny, you know. I watched Evangelion the first time around, when I was seriously depressed. I've said before and I'll say again, the characters (and show) are hard to like when you haven't been where they are psychologically. Or if you've been close to where they're at and didn't like the proximity. But like I said, I watched it in the early 2000s, when I was a seriously messed up, angry and depressed boy. And it resonated with me. There was never anything about the character of Shinji I couldn't understand or identify with completely, which is not a positive statement to make, I know.
But we fast forward to now, ten years later. Ten years later, I'm watching another Evangelion series and it's still resonating with me. The themes have changed. It no longer expresses an ultimately nihilist view that life is cruel, lonely, depressing and not worth living. Rebuild of Evangelion is not a tale told by someone suffering depression, it's a tale told by someone who has survived depression. Someone who knows that life is hard, oh God is it so fucking hard. And painful. But it need not be lonely. And there is always hope.
That's why I like the Rebuild of Evangelion. I know other fans are aghast and believe Anno has essentially gone George Lucas on his own Star Wars, but I like that he's taken this opportunity to come back to his magnum opus and say: "No, actually, what I said back then isn't true. It's what I thought at the time because I was mentally ill. I'm better now and this is what I believe."

And in a weird way, it gives me a strange hope. If I can get better, if he can get better, if of all things frickin' Neon Genesis Eva-goddamn-gelion can get better then maybe, just maybe the WORLD can get better? We could use it.

Speaking of getting better, I seem to have somehow picked up something like a social life. A combination of factors led to this. Now [personal profile] chebe's passed her driving test (congratulations again!), it's been whole lot simpler for her, me and [personal profile] phoenix to meet up and not worry about time constraints. Just go out and have fun without an eye on the clock.
And it's gotten easier for me to go out, too. I no longer feel that horrible, biting "maybe it would be better if I just stayed home" feeling. I've taken to welcoming every new opportunity and experience I can. Not diving in at the deep end, but bit by bit as I go along. Looking for things I would have been too insecure or shy to do before. Looking to get lost in new places and new experiences.
Friday, a complete absence of food in the house led us to Wagamama's and then a road to nowhere, looking for a beach I'm sure we'll find one of these days. Last night it was a rock bar and club after. Playing pool with friends and realizing it was the first time I was actually playing with friends, instead of just with family at Christmases, New Years, christenings and funerals. Usually my relatives just mop the floor with me, but last night we were all equally (and amusingly) unskilled, with no way of knowing which way any game was going to go.
Oh yeah, got eyelinered for the first time last night (an occupational hazard when most of your friends are women). Wasn't really sure what to expect, but in the end I kind of liked the result. Vaguely sinister, I thought it made me look.

Rest of the night was spent in music. Most of it not my kind of music, but the girls couldn't stay off the dancefloor. And eventually my buzz got me restless and the music got familiar so off I went and danced as un-Morrisseylike as a straight white guy can.
After that, a quick Burger King and observing Dublin's pickled Saturday night wildlife on our ways home.

Now, here's the thing. I don't get hangovers. I think I've had one in my entire life, and that was after a night of things I would never do again. As a trade-off, however, alcohol has the effect of leaving me unable to sleep. Most people, they drink and pass out easily. I can't sleep after I've been drinking, and the lying there waiting to sleep sobers me up if the trip home hasn't already.
Thing is, I wasn't drunk (though I had been drinking. Takes a bit to get a guy my size drunk, unless I go straight for the hard stuff), but I was buzzed and excitable. And for once, the post-drinking insomnia when I got home didn't bother me at all. Just let me lie there and think about what a good night it had been, and that buzz had been from a great time with great company. And thinking that yeah, we should totally do that again.

And drive around solving mysteries.

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Dar

December 2011

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