Dec. 24th, 2011

dar: (Default)
Yes, I'm doing this again. Though it's hard. Hard to see the point. Even just typing these words, every single letter screams "Nobody cares. Nobody wants to read your pointless yammering. Stop pretending you're not completely forgettable or that you don't just lift right out. This is crap and useless because you are every bit as pathetic as you worry you are."

So yeah, that. I haven't been dead. I just haven't seen a point in writing anything. I just very outside it all. Like I'm the only one who'd read so why bother writing what I already know? I think it all started after Japan, when I came back and felt horribly obligated to write about the trip. Like it was a custom or meme. Take a holiday, write about it on the internet. It just seemed so awfully prosaic. I mean, everyone who knows me knows I want, and anything they want to know about it, they can ask. So what was the point? And after a while I began to wonder what was the point to posting anything about my life at all, since it's such a forgettable and unmissable life.

I'm not as depressed as this post sounds. This has just been on my mind, and I've been inexplicably afraid of putting words on the screen. I can't figure out why, though maybe I'm just scared if I shout "NOBODY CARES!", the following silence will confirm it. I've been writing, sure, just not about me and not where anyone will see it. I just don't find myself an interesting subject to write about, and I wish I could shake that feeling.
Cheery, I know. Hey, that's Christmas.

But I am trying. Hoping that if I post more, I'll get back into the habit and the blinking cursor won't seem so formidable. Hence, a meme. Oh, there go those "NOBODY'S INTERESTED!" alarms again.

End of year meme. )

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Dar

December 2011

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